To Whom I Owe

Will it be ever enough? Will I ever know you well? 

Everyday it comes as a new morning to end with dreamy nights. 

I believe I owe my second life to you. Since that right swipe on Tinder, not a day has passed when you have not inspired me. I cannot claim to know you yet. Yet, somehow, knowing your name has been enough. You make me survive every single hour. I wouldn't ever ask for more. First impression may have come across as a workaholic life, but there is so much more to you. Eventually you turned up into a man beyond work; one who values life as it is meant to be. Seeing your milestones makes me achieve steps ahead of thorns. 

That was a heck of a medical appointment with my psychologist. It was my seventh visit to her, and after four hours of my tireless rant and endless painful tears, she finally agreed. She gave up and conceded to my preposterous idea of happiness. She was rather shocked to see a broken heart filled with so much of you. What wouldn't I give in this world to be with you, but I have always appreciated an unplucked flower. All I wish is to be able to preserve my love for the whole plant. I still visit her, tell her how it feels to have you, a live inspiration for life. In fact, she confessed she has been telling some other depressed souls my story of falling in love with the unsurmountable you to elate them and make them realize the strength of a shattered heart. You are the rock where people can shelter when hit by storm. It is astonishing what you are from where I stand and look up to you. 

You came into my life when everything was upside down, when nothing made sense. I am grateful to my friends for ditching me, for that gave us a fair chance to have an undivided attention. Four months of WhatsApp and numerable plans preceded before we finally met. How I wish I could have told you I fell in love with you the day I had right swiped you. I believe in ancientness of souls, they have a way of connecting. I am not sure if you feel this way, but when I see you anything remotely linked to you, my heart fills up with joy and i giggle like a five year old me.Locking eyes with your pictures is so difficult; you have no idea how has been it when you are in front of me. it takes all my control of senses i have gained through years of meditation to prevent goosebumps on your touch or racing of heart beats on your presence. 

Two years, two rendezvous. Anyone would be disappointed. I am only grateful. I want to earn every meet. You fill me with wonder as to how anyone could make such an impression to my restless, ever inconvinced mind. I wish to be one of those whom you can talk to, tell tales, share pains and paints. It must be something special to be so marvelous and yet so humble, so composed, so clear. I want to learn it. Will you ever train me? At times when I don't know what to think about you, my lips know to act involuntarily to you. That reminds me of that laugh we had when we discovered at your special talent...it was so filling the gap happiness. Somehow, someway you fix the jigsaw puzzle of knocked over, rattled, 

Only my heart can answer how my spirit is so tuned to yours, because when it comes to you, my mind is enslaved to my heart. You inspire the best in me, you drive the madness in me, you kindle the fire in me, you evoke the love in me, you flame the teen in me, you nurture the wisdom in me. You have become what I will never have with anyone else. I will always keep it that way. When I shed tears, I remember you and suddenly everything becomes a reason to move ahead, brave every odd, see silver lining against all dark clouds. 

You have been the best that has ever happened to me. Please stay...stay as my immutable muse, my attainable goal, my perpetual love.

PS: Because someone wanted to read my diary.