Why Dating Fails

Coffee Date?

The point of dating is to know a person beyond physique and later on, who is it that you are/will be 'sleeping with'. The current mass is so busy getting laid in their prime that when they come off their ages, they just don't know what to do! By the time one is done with meaningless sex, one has lost what it means to be physical with someone they can care about, connect to. Whereas sapiosexuals are in absolute need of 'connection', the fling dare-devils are all about 'chemistry'. Once that is achieved, one is happy to settle for casual sex, casual one night stands, casual live in, casual break ups. 

Here comes the annoying part. People, who are sincere, are enraged about the 'casualty' going on around. Their sincere eyes looking for a sincere face dulls out eventually as the others have unsettled baggage, or just don't know what to do with that sincerity. End result: the former are disheartened to pursue any further, and the latter are left alone to loneliness. 

What just happened? The so called true love is supposed to be all-consuming, non-judging togetherness.Well! That is the lie the internet tells us. It takes two individuals, to walk half way up to each other, with efforts to stay and to commit. The dynamics may keep shifting its ratio as who needs whom/what and when with time, but it remains that despite distress you work it out. 

For being so long casually empty, detached, you have let go of the perspective of having someone around. Not to be dependent on them, but to continue a healthy approach towards self-dependent, and yet feel loved. When you aren't subjected to anyone's mercy, favours, or don't have to feel powerless, belittled, you feel freer than being sexually hinged and emotionally empty. If that is when someone loves you, and you aren't to let go of your self-esteem to keep that love, that is when you know it is happening. That is the real independence.

I know this couple: quite young, both students; when you look at them from a distance, they are way different. When you look closer, they are strikingly polar opposite. Yet, if one gets the minute pictures of their lives, it is so clear that they make up for 'them'. She has never tried to make him read her books, nor he has forced her to know the technicalities. In the kitchen, even if either is not working, they make a point to be present, so that it does not turn into ''I alone slave''. He tries to tidy the room before they make out as he understands that his girl cannot focus on him when her space is melting down. It took them years, but their sincere wish to be together has make them understand what the other wants. They understand that sex is vital, but they do not let down the significance of other aspects of life. When the casualty glided into live-in, and thus began the dating, they don't want to pinpoint. They are just content that it is happening. 

What happens when the one looking for hook ups asks another person looking for something serious for a date? Disappointment is obvious. It is such a pain that people copy-cat the western lingo of dating life, but do not grasp the concept. Is language the only problem? Is it intentional? 

The bigger question is why does it not work despite both wanting to date. It is simple if you ask me. I am a TV series addict, (thankfully!) I noticed that the world has men and women of different characters. Men like Ted Mosby pretending to be Ross Geller to get someone like Phoebe; men like Joey pretending to be Chandler to get Robin, or a Lily Aldrin thinking that Barney Stinson is the solution to her adventure self: this is what is exactly wrong. People pretending to be someone they aren't! The reason we pretend is not to be uber cool or beat the crowd because more than often we don't even know who we are but we want a random amalgamation of personalities stuffed into an individual. The fantasy, you see!

Do you want the date to work? It is extremely important that you know what you are, and then what you want. Same milk comes in different packages and that makes all the difference, after all. Also, respect for each other is the non-negotiable pepper for the relationship curry.