Inclined Chronicles of Indulgence

Instagram Sitting in the darkest corner of the room lit only by the distant street lights, I practised the laugh I would laugh when he will say something as such, looking at a picture of my past. Reality hit me fast enough, and I withdrew myself midway of a cynical moment of transient happiness. That night, I was mad; my heart was full of anguish, my blood was rushing annoyance. I wanted to tear apart something dear to me and calm down the storm thundering in me. The mirror never looked so calm before. I must have used up all the tears of his share.  I wanted him to say things to me, things that he told umpteen times in the past; only meaning them this time. Like many sorries of the past, I am sure it will be empty this time too. But, I wanted him to say it anyway.   I want you, he should have said.   I need you, he should have confessed. He was magic; black magic. I hate how much he could make me feel and how much he could belittle me. May be t...

Navigating through life More often than not, I wish I could walk into the ocean and never return. The waves call me so dearly. They are high and low, soft and swift, blue and white, dark and beautiful. The ocean absorbs the world around it and makes it a part of its own tumult. Every time I tried to be a part of that magnificent piece of water, I was called back by dear ones. Their tearful, callous calls remind me how unaltered their lives will be without me. They fear they will lose me. What sort of fear is that, to be scared of losing something one never had in first place? I would look back, each time, with hopes in my eyes to see more; my ears would be more attentive every next time to hear something that I might have missed the last time. The words, the faces, the looks remain as if time didn't occur to them.  One can be comprehensive of strangers being cold and distant. But people you call your folks, too? May be the tropical country doesn't allow them to be any...

Death. I don't discuss death. I talk of life, of after-life, but never death. Death is an event, and living is the process. This event just suddenly turns big tables upside down in a moment's time. I believe while we are living, we are also marching towards the final salute. In this letter to you, my love, I want to tell you how I feel about it. Firstly, any-x that keeps me away from you is the means of my death. When you return to our nest and don't find me opening the door for you, just know that that time length has taken its toll on me. You would be delighted to find my corpse in our closet with our sweet picture in my arms. Secondly, please know that I am really scared of that last obvious event. Your beautiful consolation of after-life sounds to me like the aftermath of a disaster. And in this disaster the tears won't be for people you don't know. I have the surety of this one life; I want to make the most of it. I want to prepare the fitt...

I wish I could have been just yours. I wish no other man had any imprint on me before you had. I wish no other air would have breathed life in my hair, except yours.  I wish no other incident rushed blood to my heart except your touch. I wish no other bite made my lips bleed, except yours. I wish no other eyes delved into my sun-kissed honey brown eyes, except yours. I wish no other arms had wrapped me whole, except yours. I wish no other care had nourished my tears, except yours. You turned up from a corner where I probably strolled carelessly once upon a time. From a silhouette, you turned into my steel. You made a stranger become a part of my broken star. You build up a present from a ruined history. You could have anything perfect but you choose a tattered art like me. You can withdraw any time you want to, but instead you are ceaselessly with me. I love to read. Yet, you created a listener in me. I don't like the vacuum of space in my heart, validated by many sharp pin...

Every time he said those three magical words, I replied in silence. When one is precautioned to not feel in certain way, one cannot help but feel so. I don't know how to stop myself against another name. I am not angry at him, but at time. I have no idea why time had to being him to me at a time I am  grounded and vulnerable. I hate for being such a wrong person  to him. I hate myself to be not able to who can make him happy. Luckily, at least out of practice, my mind voiced the apt reply every single time to him. Unfortunately,  silence cannot be heard over the phone. He thinks I have ego issues. What he doesn't know is I am trying to hold up my tiny fragments together to be able to find love in me to love him back, to find respect to adore him. I speak to him everyday for hours together. That certainly has hampered his preparation to join an institution for further studies, but he never complains. He seeks my support in decision making. What reply do I give him wh...